Weekend Wednesday?

Hello there. Here I am, sitting in my room, in my [very colorful] apartment. Sitting. Just sitting. Doing absolutely nothing productive. Why? Because, my friends, it is Wednesday afternoon, which is now my WEEKEND! Yes, Mondays are hell. But the only class I have Tuesdays is Fibers, and sitting and embroidering is a nice way to recuperate. And Wednesdays, I'm done at 4:30pm, or whenever my class gets out, which was around 3 today! And now, I have nothing scheduled until 8am Monday when my week starts again. What a wonderful, wonderful feeling. I made it through the first week, I love my assignments, and now, I have a four day weekend! Don't worry, though. After this week, I'm sure I'll be as busy as ever, and those days off will be filled with jobs and homework. But for now, I think I'll enjoy it.

Chapter Books

Do you ever think about how ink becomes marks, and those marks become letters? Then those letters are strung together to form words and phrases and sentences. Those sentences are structured into paragraphs, those paragraphs grow into pages, which then accumulate into chapters. The chapters eventually become volumes, and the volumes become editions, and the editions become collections that eventually become libraries that permeate our society and inform our culture. Of course, that ink could have just as easily been a note to self written on someone's palm, or in my case, scribbled all over my thigh along with oodles of project ideas and other thoughts. That ink could have been smeared across a page and formed an image. Or it could have written a date on a calendar, a date that could later become an anniversary, and the beginning of something beautiful.

(Click on photo for source.)

Sometimes I worry about projects I have created digitally. I always try to have a tangible connection, for I worry about my art, in the end being nothing. This sensation, a new age horror vacui, is something I think about every day. It scares me to think about how many beautiful creations can be reduced to a series of ones and zeroes. What if one of those ones or zeroes changed places with another? Just two tiny digits in a seemingly endless stream...could they really make that much of a difference? Or could they make a huge difference? Could they be the difference between an elegant animation and a Youtube parody? The difference between a thesis and a facebook status? Between libraries and homework reminders?

Sometimes, I just think about things. I like thinking about potential, and the things we create and the beautiful relationships we seem to form by chance. I don't think it's by chance, though.

I'm sure that by week three, I will be dreading Mondays, solely because my days will go from 8am til 10pm. At least I can look forward to my classes. I really enjoyed all of them. The liberal art classes seem to be really interesting, and I already have projects in mind for my studio classes.

Tomorrow I have a fibers class that I have been looking forward to since last year. There are so many processes I want to learn that will only help make my animations stronger. At least, that's the plan.

Isn't it strange?

How quickly things change. How the present becomes a blurry memory. How the summer breeze becomes the rhythmic crunch of fall leaves. How my tanlines are already fading. How I'm starting to forget what Nicholas & I had for lunch two weeks ago. Sometimes change stresses me out. Not because I'm unprepared for the future. Not because I'm worried of what it may bring. But because it doesn't take long at all for a beautiful afternoon to become nostalgic. I'm already daydreaming about waterfalls and southern picnics, and soon enough I'll be making up most of it.

School starts tomorrow. It's a rather surreal feeling, starting my third year. How am I already halfway done? When I started, I felt like I was at the very bottom of my class. I was so behind everyone, and the only thing going for me was my work ethic and potential. I came to CIA for communication design. I ended up majoring in T.I.M.E. Digital Arts with an emphasis in animation. And now I want to study more than that. I went from a very commercial field to dreaming of being a fine artist. I am no longer terrified of Conté or newsprint or still lifes or figure drawing. I am anxious, not afraid, to try to mediums. And I have never felt more free. I came here knowing that I would be paying for everything myself, terrified that I wouldn't get a job and would be buried in debt. Now, that's not a concern. I have my share of loans, but I'm sure that if I want one, I could get a job when I graduate. But I would be perfectly happy without so many luxuries. As long as I have a camera of some sort, and something to move in tiny increments, I'll be ok. A roof over my head would be wonderful, and regular meals would be nice. But that's really all I need for my sanity. Money won't make me happy. It might make things easier, but it could just as easily complicate things. I have goals for myself, but they are really goals to help others. I really don't feel the need to worry about it.

Mondays are gonna be hell for me this year. They make my previous long days look like lazy afternoons. As of right now, this is what I'll look forward to at the start of every week:

8am-9:15am Photo History
9:30am-12pm Creative Resistance: Media Art in the Social Sphere
12:30pm-1:45pm Sexuality and Popular Culture in America
2pm-4:30pm Creative Resistance: Media Art in the Social Sphere
5pm-10pm Animation II

Talk about having a permanent case of the Mondays. On the bright side, I have Thursday through Sunday completely off. At least until I add jobs in the mix.

Right now, I need to get together a stack of notebooks and sketchbooks for my 4 classes tomorrow, pack a lunch or two, clean some more, and pick out a dress to wear. Perhaps do some ironing. And most importantly, dream.

Ps. Dear Nicholas, how vividly do you remember that day? I know that it was a Tuesday. It was May 20, 2008, and this was right after you flew in that morning. The park was a field of dandelion clocks and I made wish after wish that you would never have to leave. You looked good in a tux, and my dress was too big. Mia wanted to be in every picture with us before we left for the ball. We danced to only two songs, the second being "American Pie." I don't remember the slow song. I don't remember what we ate, but I remember the pattern of the plates. I remember the river, and you analyzing boats. I remember staying up all night, and you were up nearly 24 hours. We made airplanes out of foam, though I don't remember where they came from. I drank Mountain Dew and you had your Coke. We ran through the inflatable shark slide so many times, I could barley breath in between my giggles. You beat me at putt putt, and I used a pink golf ball. I forgot to bring a change of shoes, and I forgot what you forgot. I wore my Will Hoge shirt, and I think you wore your North Face. Although, you do so often, that I might just be making it up.

One question.

Now what? I have been so incredibly busy this past week with orientation training, that I'm not quite sure what to do now that it's over.

Our days will filled with intentionally awkward games and fireside chats, and after dinner we only had more work. The twelve OL's spent nearly every waking moment together, allowing us to grow closer, even if we were getting annoyed. There were late nights, and really late nights. There were hours of work put into a silly dance for the welcome. There were patient people who dealt with our short attention spans. There were caring people who dealt with our stress. We laughed until we cried. We cried a little bit more. And then it was done. Just like that.

Move in day came and went. Even though we started at 7:15am and ended close to 1 in the morning. But we took breaks and climbed rocks and enjoyed some wild wings (or, you know, cheese quesadillas). The welcome came, and we were nervous. But as soon as people laughed at our attempt at the Soulja Boy, we all loosened up. The incoming class is a really great group. There were so many positive people that personally thanked us for working on orientation. Their energy helped keep us going. I think it was worth it. And then today, it stopped. Suddenly, everyone had eaten their dinner and we were cleaning up. And we were free to leave. I went into my apartment, sat down on my bed, listened to the rain, and fell asleep.

And here I am now. Sitting on my bed, looking at my little room filled with pieces of my life. I don't have quite enough floor space to move around, and yet somehow, I need to clean it before running errands tomorrow. I'm trying to procrastinate that organizing as much as possible, because I know as soon as that's complete, I'll be wondering the same thing. Now what?

Class starts Monday. I've been looking forward to it since June. I'll get back to blogging everyday. I'll begin accumulating To Do Lists, and To Do Lists of To Do Lists. I'll lose sleep and drink coffee. And hopefully I'll nail down a personal artist statement. I think I got a big step closer as of this morning.

So now what?

Some tents and mountains and rollerskates and boyfriends.

Hello again. It seems I have once again dropped off the face of the earth. The last couple weeks, I was with   Nicholas in my favorite city enjoying the sunshine and sea breeze. And before I left, I was busy ending projects, starting others, finishing summer break, and starting to pack because I came home Thursday, just to leave for Cleveland today! My summer endings are always hectic, though.

Today was spent riding in an air conditioner free car, sweating in the 90+ degree weather and extreme humidity, being welcomed by Cleveland's constant precipitation, carrying boxes up and down several flights of stairs (my dad is still mad that I don't live on the first floor), running a few last minute errands, and organizing while Estaban, the apartment cat (who apparently used to go by John Cougar Mellencamp and is now affectionately called Booger, leaving him very confused), sat on my desk and watched.

Here's a little of what I have been up to lately.

Making backyard tents.

Bringing home flowers for this pretty face.

Rollerskating with Alyssa & Mia. Because I had a dream about magical rollerskates.

Painting cats gold for an animation Alyssa & I made about drugs and greed. Ha.

And photographing the cats with Reesco.

Dragging Nicholas through lovely stores. And making him carry the bags.

Following this boy through winding trails.

Admiring some beautiful waterfalls.

Being adventurous.

Balancing.

Hopefully not falling.

Discovering the perfect place to cool off.

Enjoying the scenery.

Finding some blackberries hidden along mountain roads.

And finding others nestled in mountain sides.

Licking off my juice stained hands after picking several handfuls.

Studying perfect spiderwebs.

Counting dew drops.

Going somewhere mysterious.

That seemed to be where the world stopped.

Looking for more.

And finding nothing. And everything. And the closest thing to infinite.

Sighting the little mountain towns that were hiding under the clouds.

Walking into that clock scene from Pinocchio.

And now I'm missing Nicholas. I'll see him soon enough. I have other things to distract me for now, though. Like putting everything in its place. Enjoying my new apartment. Hanging with Estaban. And getting for Orientation Leader Training Week, which starts tomorrow.

School starts next week. As always, I'm excited.