Don't Read This If You're About To Go To Bed And Would Prefer Not To Have Terrible Nightmares

Nicholas and I are on very different schedules. He works at 7am or something ridiculously early. I work at noon. He likes to go to bed at 10:30. I like to go to bed at (ideally 1:30 but realistically) 2:45. And since we live so far away, we try to talk to each other as much as we can. Which means about a half hour or so around 9:42pm every night. Then I call him to say good night and he mumbles a couple incoherent statements. And in the morning, he calls me to say good morning at some ungodly hour.

So today, when Nicholas called me and I did my best to be less than comatose, I didn't expect anything other than the usual "[greeting] [weather update] [plan for the day] [sweet sentiment of sorts]." But today he was especially excited. I'm talking, I-almost-got-out-of-bed-instead-of-going-back-to-sleep excited (almost). What did he have to tell me that was so exciting?

[Stop here if you really don't want nightmares.]

Today started like any normal day. He got ready for work. He put his boots on. He ate breakfast. Twenty minutes later, he leaves and stops at the gas station at the end of his street. While pumping gas, he feels something in his shoe.

[I'm warning you to stop. I will not be held responsible from consequential insomnia and post-traumatic stress disorder.]

He figures it's a pebble or something moving around. I know. A pebble. But when you find out what it was, you'll see why this is so astounding. So he doesn't think much of it, and continues pumping gas. Then he feels it again. He figures, Hey, I've got time. So he unties his boot, and as soon as he removes it...

[THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!]

A freaking COCKROACH flies out!

How you can put a shoe on without feeling a cockroach in it is beyond me. (His excuse is that they were steel toed boots.)