Sketchbooks, Part 2

You may remember that my BFA was not the BFA I started making, the one I spent a semester working on. 

I had an idea, something I'm still interested in, but the process was all wrong. My department wanted us to come up with our thesis--to decide what we wanted to prove through our work--and then make the art. I don't do that. I like to have an idea, make things, and then figure out what I'm really saying, and make changes, and make more work.

My department's process, which makes sense for doing long term projects like animations based on a linear narrative. But when you dabble in other materials and processes, your ideas are a little chaotic. I lost a lot of sleep trying to make sense of what I wanted to do.

I tried to work on a thesis. I spent weeks thinking and writing and re-writing. But it was all wrong. I just needed to make things.

And I needed to listen to people that made sense. I needed to listen to artists I respected. And stop wasting time listening to advice that was irrelevant.

After 8 weeks, at my midterm, I strongly considered changing my idea (to what it ended up being). But I figured I should tough it out. I spent 8 weeks already researching, and maybe I just was in a funk. I figured it would work out eventually.

But I was working too hard. And running out of time. I had little work to show related to my BFA, besides research and writing, and the writing was stale. It wasn't what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it. And I was in denial.

And luckily, 6 days before my Midyear presentation (a big critique of BFA work done so far in the fall semester), right before the student holiday sale, and right in the middle of final critiques, I had a studio visit with someone who had great advice. And he called me out on it. He told me that he wasn't sold, and he didn't think this is what I wanted to do. And I didn't argue.

The process, which wasn't working for me at all, got me too far away from my original idea. It didn't feel right anymore. It wasn't what I wanted to do. So I had to step back. Way back.

I had a lot of ideas of bodies of work, but the time wasn't right for all of them. And Monday night at 9pm, just 15 hours before I was required to turn in a copy of my Midyear presentation files, I figured it out. But more about that later.

Sketchbooks, Part 1

While getting settled here in South Carolina, looking for a job, and covering things in glitter, or whatever, I figured I'd start sharing some pages from my sketchbooks.

Before art school, sketchbooks, to me, were precious, in a way. Besides the big 8.5x11 hardcover bargain journals from Borders that I filled with fashion designs from 4th through 9th grade religiously (which began as a way for me to draw the clothes I couldn't afford but wanted from catalogs that starting coming with my name on them), I saved sketchbooks for "nice" drawings. Something more thoughtful. Or assigned sketches for art classes. Actual sketches were saved for scraps of paper. I have no idea what was so intimidating about plain paper, but I felt it should be saved for something nice. 

When applying to art school, it seemed I was told by everyone to show my sketchbooks in my portfolio, because they should show my process. Except that wasn't true for my barely used pages. So in my foundation drawing class, we were encouraged to use sketchbooks a bit more. I think first semester, we were assigned 5 sketches a week, sometimes specifically 5 sketches of hands, or feet, or figure drawing, or showing perspective. And second semester, we had 5 sketches + 5 collages a week. And that was something I was more comfortable with. Something about finding and choosing elements and discovering the narrative they form was less intimidating. So I began to turn sketches into collages. And each week, I started doing about 20 collages. My Moleskine grew 2 inches in less than 4 weeks. It barely closed.

My second year, I had a few sketchbooks, one for each studio class. And I used them to write down ideas and sketch out storyboards. And I had a separate sketchbook for collages. But that was about it. I used them, but not the way I do now. And I think I had some grand revelation (or profound "duh" moment) at the beginning of my third year, when I realized my ideas from one class to another were more related than before. So I used one sketchbook for everything. And separate notebooks for liberal arts. And sometimes, I'd write other anecdotes and fill pages with doodles, or words that would otherwise be written on my arms. It was a start.

BFA year, my sketchbook became a permanent appendage. I would fill up Moleskine cahiers in as little as 2 weeks. I started making my own sketchbooks and filling those up quickly, too. All of my ideas, every little thought, every rant, every idea was documented. Sometimes pages were filled with sketches of possible projects, and sometimes words were everywhere, in an effort to figure out where my ideas were headed. Sometimes there were diagrams and flowcharts, and sometimes there were lists of definitions. And sometimes, there were the outlines of coffee that had been spilled on that page, or glitter that had been spilled, or bold advice I should keep in mind, or song lyrics that were stuck in my head. And now, I can't seem to go anywhere without some sort of sketchbook. If nothing else, I use them to hold papers I collect, business cards, pictures, whatever. Or clover and wildflowers until I can put them between the pages of an encyclopedia. So I'll be sharing some images from sketchbooks I've filled. And I'll start with doodles from the beginning of BFA year, and end with documentation of my thesis project.

I stopped checking the weather.

Because I know that it's going to be hot everyday.

Yesterday, I filled out a form for an official change of address so that I can get a new state ID so that I can get a job. And stuff. Did I mention I moved? And graduated?

I'll probably be quiet here for a few more days. I'm trying to get my Etsy shop back up and running, and make my own art, and talk to people about jobs. So once things settle down, I'll have a routine (that finally involves sleeping more than 4 hours a night!), and be posting here a lot more often. Besides, I make a lot of things. You should probably see them.

And if you want to see some of them, you should look at my website! I still need to add my BFA work to it, but it consists of a lot of things I've made. Hopefully it will help me get a job making things. Maybe like these...

So here I am, in the beautiful state of South Carolina, where I spend weekends sailing with Nicholas and weekdays making messes (until I get a job). We drive almost everywhere on his motorcycle, which saves on gas, and makes it easier for him to stop so I can hop off and pick some wildflowers, which is nice. The weather is wonderful and always warm, and I'm staying with a family friend in a room with floral wallpaper until I find my own place. Mia has agreed to be my penpal, and Debbie & I are trying to figure out how to get a tin can telephone to go from here to Alaska. Yesterday, I made sushi rolls thanks to Nick's uncle who loves cooking, and also thanks to him, tried the best tasting homemade-by-a-friend-in-Germany alcohol-of-some-kind that tasted exactly like Smucker's strawberry jam. Exactly.

Things here are swell. I have some friendship bracelets to finish up now.

(Pictured above: set from Clementine animation; enameled pig necklace; artist book; friendship bracelet; merit badge; story; The Official Whimsy Scout Handbook; weaving sample on film; Fred & Ginger free motion machine embroidery; handmade sketchbook; Storyline No. 3.)

Not done yet.

It's sinking in.

Tomorrow I have to de-install my BFA work, and move everything out of my studio (since I didn't finish today).

A lot has happened in a little time. The week before final critiques was madness. I was still working on creating tapestries for BFA, and running into problems along the way. The week of final critiques I pulled 3 all-nighters. And the week of BFA--this week--I've still been at the studio working every night. How is it that there is still so much to do? But now I have one thing left. And then a week of sitting on Debbie's porch.

On Monday, I found out I was one of the Top 20 Finalists for the President's Traveling Scholarships. What a wonderful feeling, to receive that recognition, especially considering some people told me it was a waste of time to apply. But I know I work hard. And I know I can make nice work.

I survived my BFA oral defense on Thursday morning. I felt confident, and only nervous for a brief amount of time due to circumstances unrelated to my work. So many friends, faculty, and staff showed up. People sat and stood in every space, and even poured into the hallway. It was incredibly encouraging. The head of the fine arts environment showed up, despite the fact that I have never had a critique with him, and I don't know that he's ever seen my work before. But he was there. And he made it tough. And I made it through. It was definitely an interesting conversation, though. I went into the T.I.M.E. Digital Arts major (Technology & Integrated Media Environment), with an emphasis in animation. But then I started minoring in Fiber & Material Studies, and utilizing fiber-based processes in most of my work. And in the end, my work was about photography, so I took a few classes with Film, Video & Photographic Arts. So the faculty at my defense had different points of view and different ways of thinking. But in the end, those that were (and are) supportive helped me learn a little more in that one hour. As stated, other politics were in play, but those whose opinions mattered to me were impressed, and I have received so much positive feedback.

Last night my family (minus Ciara, who had to work) drove from Detroit to see my exhibition and attend the reception. Mia loved it. She kept asking to see more arts. And she called me today to tell me how much she loved all the art she saw. At 8pm, they announced the winners of the Traveling Scholarships.

I won.

Mine was the first name called, before I even realized what was happening. I was pushed and pulled in different directions, receiving hugs and words of support, all with Mia clinging to my leg. I'm so happy for the other 5 recipients, including some very good friends of mine. People are going to Barcelona and Madrid and Ireland and all over. And I'll be heading out west for wilderness and wildflowers like I've never experienced. What a wonderful thing, to earn money to travel after school, to make art.

This week, I need to clean and pack and make friendship bracelets. Nicholas will be her Friday, and in a week, I'll graduate with a Bachelor of Fine Arts. And right after that, I move to the South. It's nice to know that I'm running to someone and not away from something. Every song sounds sadder right now. It's a good thing I love that boy so much.

(Top image: photograph of part of my BFA installation.)

Ghosts & Graduation

My BFA thesis project is installed, working, and ready to go. And I am ready for bed.

I'm so close to being done. This is all so close to being over. And while I would prefer to sleep every night always, I'm going to miss art school.

Until I get my MFA.

Which will hopefully be sometime.