Free Crappy Portraits

Something amazing happened last night. (No, I didn't finish organizing, and yes, I'm still procrastinating a bit.) Four days ago, I emailed this picture to the folks at Free Crappy Portraits, which, by the way, is one of my new favorite websites.

Here's how it works. You email them a picture of your choosing. They also recommend that you tell them about the people in the photo. "It can be a list of your favorite cheeses, a tale about the ever-elusive Sasquatch, or a haiku about roller disco - we aren't picky...just keep in mind that you'll probably get a petter portrait if you entertain us!" This is the description I included:

This is a picture of my friends Debbie and Scott at an award ceremony that Debbie and I hosted, giving out awards for things like "Best Southern Drawl," which is what Scott won, even though he's from Columbus, OH and has no reason for having such a strong accent. We all go to school at the Cleveland Institute of Art, where we like to make things and go on adventures, which usually means getting lost in bad neighborhoods if Scott's driving. Debbie likes cryptozoology (as do I), especially Big Foot. She also likes banjos, and has a blog called Banjanimals, which features animals playing banjos, mostly one's she's drawn. My favorite is the Banjackelope, which she made for me. Scott has red hair and laughs a lot. He likes when tables line up with ceiling tiles, and East Coast Custard is his favorite place on earth. Since we go to art school, we only sleep about every other night. So we pull all nighters together in the library, but we refer to such events as Unsleepover Funstravaganzas. Usually we drink Dr. Thunder, which is the Walmart brand of Dr. Pepper. It's not very good and you get a terrible sugar crash later, but it's a lot more portable than a coffee maker. But when we're not pulling all nighters, we like to drink alcoholic beverages. Also, this weekend, some guy got drunk in my apartment and peed on my coffee table and pooped on my bathroom floor, across from the toilet. Not that this has to do with anything. I'm just very annoyed.

So after you submit your photo and description, you wait. They say to give them a couple weeks, which is why I was so surprised and excited to find it in my email last night. Voila, my very own Free Crappy Portrait, as immortalized by these lovely folks.

It's possibly the most beautiful picture I've ever seen. I like Scott driving like a maniac, the shops of the "bad neighborhood," the random cupcakes, the sale on mythical sea creatures, the Banjippo, and of course, the bottom left corner, illustrating my predicament the other day. All their portraits are amazing[ly hilarious], and I think it'd be really great if they did an exhibition with all the originals. How ridiculous would that be?! I'd love it.

You can get your own Free Crappy Portrait by going here.