Sketchbooks, Part 8

 This is the last big sketchbook I filled during BFA year.

 That first page still intimidates me a bit. I find it's the perfect place for your name, though.

 We had a lot of presentations towards the end. A lot of studio visits. A lot of stress.

But when you make it through a VATe (fine arts) presentation unscathed, it feels pretty awesome. 

It feels even more awesome when you reward yourself with [an award for] a good night's sleep. 

 The last few pages were filled with summaries of my ideas over and over. Even in the last few weeks, ideas were changing, and as I tried to nail down exactly what I wanted to say, I kept rewriting everything.

 I wrote a lot of things I didn't mean or didn't want to say. It was frustrating.

 I wrote lists of words. I made flow charts. I wrote and rewrote and rewrote some more.

 And I was so determined to get it right, that I put a lot of pressure on myself. And stopped sleeping enough.

 And then one night, better words came to me. Not perfect words, but the idea was there. Almost.

And I was still learning things about myself. Which gave me more confidence to say what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it. Plus, I was too tired to be self-conscious about my ideas. 

I think in order to believe/understand something, I have to write it down from all angles. I did that a lot.